I screw up everything. Every friendship. Every relationship. Everything. I can’t stop it. I just wish that I wasn’t so consistently getting hurt. It’s why it
Makes friendships so hard for me. All I want is a friend. Not just a friend. A male friend. Not a “boyfriend” or any of that drama bullshit. Just a friend. A friend whose strong and sweet and supportive. I want to know that there is one guy out there in this God foresaken world that is friend worthy.. Because I have met zero… I don’t understand. I’m not looking for a boyfriend. Jesus I can barely handle my own goddamned emotions and then, what?! I’m supposed to add a boyfriend to that?! No thanks!! I just want a guy friend who will help me.. And if I get robbed will come over and check the house for me ( not that I’d get robbed but it’s just an example) or teach me how to play those cool video games or just hang out with.. One boy who will show me that the way I’m feeling isn’t wrong.. Or crazy.. I just want someone to tell me how I can fix it. How I can stop or how to calm down. I think the worst in everything and then I lose it and I lose the friends I’m closest too. It hurts so much and I don’t know how to stop..